Monday Musings: How do you fight really?
The anatomy of a fight is a curious beast. There are always many types of it. Fight in this context means a situation where the narrative is of disagreement or conflict – not of the type that is a subject of physical safety, but of the type where two people are coming to terms with a difference of opinion or nuance of argument.
Such conversations can be roughly classified into 3 grades – like how they teach in the med school about the grades of fever. As is my usual recommendation, a bit of humour always helps to enjoy such observations.
Grade 1: The Brush: this is about whose point of view is more valid or better. For example: Is BJP manna from heaven or is congress any more relevant or is eating a certain kind of food a threat to our culture or is it important to pass the test of patriotism before you qualify for anything whatsoever. It could also be about Messi vs Ronaldo, Sachin vs the rest of the universe, Delhi vs Mumbai, Hindi vs. English and so on and so forth. Grade 1 fights have no final answers – there are only personal answers, usually depending upon who you are, what have been your experiences, what is your range of intellect or how far your memory goes.
Grade 2: The Hit . This is about slightly serious stuff. There is some material consequence to it or the other. For example – Is your quality of work good enough to match the expectations laid down (or may be even those not laid down), are you pulling up your socks fast enough (why is it always about the socks; what if I don’t wear socks!!) finally could this work be done in any better way that the level at which it has been done. Grade 2 conflicts are about who is the boss. Period. Rest all is futile.
Grade 3. The Collision : This is about the real life threatening ones. As they say on the back of the lorries – ‘’Nazar hathi, durgathna ghati’’. An error of judgement, one word here or there – and you are doomed. For example – who was supposed to switch off the lights before leaving home, when push comes to shove whose mother shall prevail, how much notice for a task will be considered as valid and admissible in the courts as reasonable, at the end of fight who will finally apologise and admit guilt (this is rhetorical – we all know the answer!) so on and so forth. Grade 3 fights can be life threatening and must be dealt with appropriate caution and mindfulness of the consequences. One wrong step, one inappropriate word and it might sow the hideous seeds of yet another fight, which might bear no relation to the previous ones. The anatomy of this kind fight is like an amoeba – it changes shape constantly. The last word on Grade 3 fights is this – the verdict is predecided. You may still follow the pretence of the fight for there is great value in such pretences too, but it shall no bearing on the outcome whatsoever.
I shall also ruminate on the various ways in which the three grades of conflicts could be possibly dealt with. There is great variety and genius in that too. So here are the three grades of fight responses.
Grade 1: Avoidance: Some fights have no ends, no resolution no conclusion. They are done because there is no better way to spend time that also gives you the illusion of being educated, well read and overall intelligence. Since you cannot solve the mundane hence the best way to deal with that inferiority complex is the pretend solving the sublime. Perfecto!!
Grade 2: Admission: Some fights are best dealt with by admitting guilt – real, assumed or charged. In some equations winning an argument is more detrimental to the future than losing it. You are safe with the armour of an apology rather than exposed with the strength of your argument. You might ask about that thing called ‘truth’. Well as someone said – there is your truth, my truth and then there is reality; and some truths are truer than the rest. Don’t waste time. Just admit.
Grade 3: Submission. This is evolution at its best. It is one grade superior to admission. It’s pure submission – like you prostrate before God and leave everything to His mercies. It’s beyond seeking forgiveness – it’s seeking redemption. It must be done with panache, the right amount of earnestness, with a look that is soaked in absolute guilt and eyes that are struggling to even look up under the burden of the crime/sin and finally with words that must struggle to come out. If this combination is not cooked right then it can be construed as a mere admission (the previous category). Long and happy lives are made only after one has perfected this category. This is sheer artistry.
I work in the corporate and so love the 2 by 2 and 3 by 3 models. The discerning reader will by now realise that the above analysis can be beautifully captured in a 9 boxer (I am a genius).
Baaki aap samjhdaar hain !!
www.gurucharangandhi.com || www.mondaymusingsbyguru.blogspot.com || @musingsbyguru
The anatomy of a fight is a curious beast. There are always many types of it. Fight in this context means a situation where the narrative is of disagreement or conflict – not of the type that is a subject of physical safety, but of the type where two people are coming to terms with a difference of opinion or nuance of argument.
Such conversations can be roughly classified into 3 grades – like how they teach in the med school about the grades of fever. As is my usual recommendation, a bit of humour always helps to enjoy such observations.
Grade 1: The Brush: this is about whose point of view is more valid or better. For example: Is BJP manna from heaven or is congress any more relevant or is eating a certain kind of food a threat to our culture or is it important to pass the test of patriotism before you qualify for anything whatsoever. It could also be about Messi vs Ronaldo, Sachin vs the rest of the universe, Delhi vs Mumbai, Hindi vs. English and so on and so forth. Grade 1 fights have no final answers – there are only personal answers, usually depending upon who you are, what have been your experiences, what is your range of intellect or how far your memory goes.
Grade 2: The Hit . This is about slightly serious stuff. There is some material consequence to it or the other. For example – Is your quality of work good enough to match the expectations laid down (or may be even those not laid down), are you pulling up your socks fast enough (why is it always about the socks; what if I don’t wear socks!!) finally could this work be done in any better way that the level at which it has been done. Grade 2 conflicts are about who is the boss. Period. Rest all is futile.
Grade 3. The Collision : This is about the real life threatening ones. As they say on the back of the lorries – ‘’Nazar hathi, durgathna ghati’’. An error of judgement, one word here or there – and you are doomed. For example – who was supposed to switch off the lights before leaving home, when push comes to shove whose mother shall prevail, how much notice for a task will be considered as valid and admissible in the courts as reasonable, at the end of fight who will finally apologise and admit guilt (this is rhetorical – we all know the answer!) so on and so forth. Grade 3 fights can be life threatening and must be dealt with appropriate caution and mindfulness of the consequences. One wrong step, one inappropriate word and it might sow the hideous seeds of yet another fight, which might bear no relation to the previous ones. The anatomy of this kind fight is like an amoeba – it changes shape constantly. The last word on Grade 3 fights is this – the verdict is predecided. You may still follow the pretence of the fight for there is great value in such pretences too, but it shall no bearing on the outcome whatsoever.
I shall also ruminate on the various ways in which the three grades of conflicts could be possibly dealt with. There is great variety and genius in that too. So here are the three grades of fight responses.
Grade 1: Avoidance: Some fights have no ends, no resolution no conclusion. They are done because there is no better way to spend time that also gives you the illusion of being educated, well read and overall intelligence. Since you cannot solve the mundane hence the best way to deal with that inferiority complex is the pretend solving the sublime. Perfecto!!
Grade 2: Admission: Some fights are best dealt with by admitting guilt – real, assumed or charged. In some equations winning an argument is more detrimental to the future than losing it. You are safe with the armour of an apology rather than exposed with the strength of your argument. You might ask about that thing called ‘truth’. Well as someone said – there is your truth, my truth and then there is reality; and some truths are truer than the rest. Don’t waste time. Just admit.
Grade 3: Submission. This is evolution at its best. It is one grade superior to admission. It’s pure submission – like you prostrate before God and leave everything to His mercies. It’s beyond seeking forgiveness – it’s seeking redemption. It must be done with panache, the right amount of earnestness, with a look that is soaked in absolute guilt and eyes that are struggling to even look up under the burden of the crime/sin and finally with words that must struggle to come out. If this combination is not cooked right then it can be construed as a mere admission (the previous category). Long and happy lives are made only after one has perfected this category. This is sheer artistry.
I work in the corporate and so love the 2 by 2 and 3 by 3 models. The discerning reader will by now realise that the above analysis can be beautifully captured in a 9 boxer (I am a genius).
Baaki aap samjhdaar hain !!
www.gurucharangandhi.com || www.mondaymusingsbyguru.blogspot.com || @musingsbyguru
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