Monday Musings: The Bird and the Good Bye
The heart broke to a million pieces as it bade the Good Bye.
The little bird sat on the perch of the nest high up on the tree and looked down with trepidation. The abyss down below looked menacing. It was that moment when she had to flap her wings and fly away. Her companions in the nest looked at her in the eyes, partly with pride and partly with longingness as she prepared for her swoop down. This was the point where she would leave the warmth of the nest, what was home all this while. Flying away to a new destination what she was supposed to do; it was the way nature had ordered things to be. It was inevitable. Everyone knew it. They wanted to be happy for her and she in turn wanted to be happy, for this is what she always wanted – to fly.
In that moment however, a million explosions inside her blew in unision. It was not the fear of the skies, it was not the fear of falling, it was not the fear of not being able to flap the wings when it would be needed. It was the fear of leaving. It was not that she had never left a nest before, but this time it was different. She was daunted with a thousand thoughts. Will she be able to build another nest, will she be able to build another flock, will she be able to deal with all this and still be able to flap the wings strongly enough and continue with the business of flying with a heart heavy with the mourning of separation? This business of building a nest and leaving never occurred to her as right even though she knew it was the way things were and things will be. Why should it be like this – she questioned but got no answers. Actually she knew the answer she refused to believe in at that moment – ‘’it is the price of flying, the price of living’’
A part of her cursed herself for forging the warmth that she had created. She wondered if this separation would have been easier if only she would have been alone, aloof and unattached. Damn, I wont do it ever again, she swore to herself – if flying off is how it is supposed to be, let me keep flying and never bother with having a nest of companions ever again. Her mind was playing games with her at her biggest moment. Have I taken the right decision? Could I not have stayed in this nest longer at least if not forever? Could my companions in the nest not have me, and me them a little longer if not forever? What is the point in flying if the flying comes at a cost of flying away?
Looking into the eyes of everyone in the nest at that moment was becoming a torment. They wanted to be happy for her but something in their eyes betrayed the weight they were carrying. She was heavy with the burden of portraying happiness and confidence. She could not betray the wailing of her heart though. It was not expected of her. She knew if she went weak today, many more would hesitate when their time comes. She bore the cross of leading, of having to be an example. She hated it all the more.
As she stood on the perch on the cusp of a new journey she realised that each in the nest had made her life complete in a very different way. Her completeness was a result of all the colours that each one of the companions in the nest had added. She could talk to a few endlessly and mostly without a reason, others she talked with without the need for talking. A few of them were were nourishers and few of them sought nourishment from her and even in that act of receiving, they made HER complete. ‘Will anyone after this ever receive from her the way these received – with all their heart’ – she cried in anguish. A few on the nest were just companions with whom she did things, confident that they were there and if a fig here and a fig there was out of place, they would pitch in. She wondered if she would be this complete ever. She mourned at the thought.
So here she was, with all this rumbling in her heart as she stood on the edge of the nest and fly. Her heart broke to a million pieces as she bade the Good Bye.
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