Monday Musings 275: Of books and the Characters!
As I see it, there are only two kinds of problems around reading – one
is around whether we like reading or not in the first place; and those who are
able to overcome this problem are faced with another herculean one – what to
read? There are yet others who remain untouched and unfazed with these two pseudo
existential questions – they are clearly the happier lot.
There are all kinds of readers. Let me share a few types that I have
bumped into.
1 1. The
Imposter: they always carry a book and that is the only thing one can be sure
of; that they are carrying a book.
Usually the book that they will carry will also be the one which has featured
in page3’s recently so that also serves the very purpose of carrying the book.
Reading, for this lot is more a status symbol, an act of wannabe intellectual –
the same reason why they would not wear just a suit but only an Armani or carry
not just a bag but only a Louis Vitton! When you meet them they would play with
the book in front of you so that you make it a conversation starter after which
they will pontificate on the ‘Half Girlfriend’ (written by you know who!!),
which according to them is a great book by a great writer, as if they are
outlining the later Pulitzer winner. PS – take your revenge, just ignore the
book and refuse to have a conversation around it. It will frustrate them to no
end.
2 2. The worm:
Irrespective of the title they are reading, which might range from ‘The
tapeworms in your bowels’ to the ‘Climate change in Mars’ – they are immersed
in it as if they are praying. The book is either close to their faces, in which
case they want you to see the book and not their faces or they might be hunched
on it, in which case they are the most likely candidates for cervical
spondilysis – either ways they clearly are in meditative stupor. The book is
larger than their persona. They are also saying the following – ‘Don’t even try
to begin a conversation’ and ‘buzz off’. Chances are they have relationship
issues with human beings – but that can be highly controversial, isn’t it?
3 3. The flirt:
The name says it all. They flirt with books but as is the wont of all flirts,
they suffer from commitment phobias. No book can hold their attention for more
than a few pages. All books, according to them, have a problem. Some are too
boring, some too long, some have font problems, some have weight problems, and
for some that it has no pictures (I love the last one!!).
4 4. The Show
off: The show off actually reads the book, less to immerse and enjoy but to let
you know that he has actually read the book. All conversation will be veered
towards that book irrespective of the moment or the occasion. You will have to
politely tolerate the absolute irrelevance of book to the mood. The revenge
with the show off is to talk about an even more irrelevant book that you had
read 10 years back!
5 5. The Rebel:
The rebel cannot understand how a normal human being can spend so many precious
hours of human life so frustratingly tied up with something as inanimate and
boring such as a book. The rebel believes that all the books that were supposed
to be read have already been read from the KG to the 10th –
everything else is an imperialist hegemony that must be rebelled against. The
rebel believes real education happens on the streets and not on the couch. As
one writer friend of mine says ‘I don’t read books because they interfere with
my imagination’. I have not asked him so far whether his books will interfere
in the imagination of others – remember he is a friend after all.
6 6. The
Occasional: The occasional reads roughly one book a year and for precisely the
same reason why the diehard non vegetarians keeps the navratra fast. Some call it penance; I call it a licence to go non
veg for yet another year.
Guru
PS: Some people are genuinely connoisseurs of
books – in the truest sense of the word. They are few and far in between. But
there is no story in that.
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